


Not all colors are poison

by Thepandicorn



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: M/M, Past Abuse, Trans Morality | Patton Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:06:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25684744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thepandicorn/pseuds/Thepandicorn
Summary: After a bad relationship with Deceit, Virgil is left worse for wear than when it started and he's scared to end up in a similar relationship. However, Patton showed Virgil that maybe not all relationships are bad.(ft. Trans Patton)
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Kudos: 33





	Not all colors are poison

**Author's Note:**

> PROMPT: I WAS SEVEN YEARS OLD WHEN MY TEACHER TOLD ME THAT THE MOST COLORFUL INSECTS ARE ALSO THE MOST POISONOUS ONES AND I WAS FIFTEEN YEARS OLD WHEN I LOOKED INTO YOUR BLUE EYES AND REALIZED THAT SHE HAD BEEN RIGHT ALL ALONG.

Virgil doesn’t entirely remember how he ended up with the other male. He was around 13, almost 14 when the relationship started. They were friends for several months before the other’ r roughly kissed him and said “We’re dating now” without question.  
Virgil was dumb and knew nothing about relationships, so he went along with it , happy at first that he was dating his best friend. Everything started out smoothly at first-normal dates like seeing movies and hanging out like teenagers do. Things took a drastic turn the moment the yelling started.  
“How fucking dare you not tell about this!” He grabbed Virgil by the wrist so roughly that it caused the other to flinch slightly as he sleeve was yanked down, revealing the various cuts and marks that had collected in the past few months since Virgil had lost his grandmother-the only person who truly understood him.  
“I-I'm sorry, Dee...I I didn’t want to worry you...” Virgil said, trying not to cry as he looked away from the scarred face of the other male.  
“I’m your goddamn boyfriend! You're supposed to tell me these things instead of being a fucking idiot!” ‘Dee’ shouted back before taking a deep breath and slowly lowering his voice, but still unable to mask the anger he held towards the other male. “I care about you, Virgil, and you turn around and do stupid, idiot things behind my back as if I don’t.” Virgil nodded weakly, forcing himself to look back at the other male.

  
Things only escalated from there and Virgil should have seen the red flags, the abuse, known what was going on, but he didn’t. He had never had anyone other than Dee and his grandmother care for him, so he just assumed it was Dee’s way of showing he cared and that it was normal to receive love like that from a person.  
Every time Virgil did something slightly unsafe, slightly not good for his body (IE, cutting.), or missed even one meal and Dee found out, Virgil would get yelled at or smacked and cursed out for not taking care of himself and that he needed to take better care of himself if Dee was going to keep sticking around. Young, stupid Virgil was too stupid to see that the abuse was abuse and stayed with Dee for two years before someone finally brought to his attention that his relationship was unhealthy and what a good relationship should look like.  
“I’m doing it because I love you.” Dee said softly, pulling his boyfriend close as they sat on the couch together. “Tough love, type of thing. Don’t ever question whether or not I love you, you got it?” Virgil had nodded and rested his head on the other’s shoulder. Virgil’s anxiety heightened compared to what it was before his relationship with Dee.   
He was always on edge, worried about messing up and he struggled to complete even the most basic of tasks when he wasn’t getting yelled at by Dee. Finally, he worked up enough courage to leave as it became eminent that Dee really was being abusive. After the other had gone to bed late one night, Virgil had snaked his way out from under the others scarred arms and wrote a short but simple note.

“I was seven years old when my teacher told me that the most colorful insects are also the most poisonous ones and I was fifteen years old when I looked into your eyes and realized she had been right all along.”  
Setting the note on the bed next to Dee, Virgil grabbed his things and left, unsure of where he would go. His parents had abandoned him about a year and a half ago with no place to go after finding out that him and Dee had been in a relationship together, so he had no clue where to go. He let his feet guide him wherever they wanted to go without even thinking and found himself back on his old doorstep, a familiar car settled in the driveway. Trying not to cry and run in the other direction, Virgil shakily made his way up to the door and knocked.  
After a small moment, the door opened and he was faced with all six feet of his father, who almost promptly closed the door in his face without another glance his way.  
“We broke up.” Virgil quickly blurted before the door could close, tears streaming down his face. “Please...dad...I won’t get with another guy...I promise.” with the door half shut, Virgil’s dad paused for a long moment before throwing the door open and allowing his son inside.  
“No more second chances.” He growled, slamming the door shut after his son. “We see you with one more guy and you’re gone.” With that, he disappeared somewhere else in the house.  
Within a week, Virgil had been moved to a new school in the opposite direction from his old one in an attempt to keep him and Dee apart, his parents worried they’d end up back together. They obviously didn’t want that, but not for the same reasons as Virgil. They didn’t want a gay son and Virgil didn’t want to end back in that abusive relationship again. 

About two months after being allowed back home and hiding the fact that he was gay from his parents with promises every day that “He wouldn’t go back to that life style,” as they put it, a new set of neighbors moved in next door to Virgil and his family.  
It was a mother, father, and their daughter, whom Virgil had quickly learned was named Peyton due to the shouts he heard the first day for her to hurry up carrying in the boxes. Virgil, being his usual anxious and shy self, didn’t bother going to say hello. At least, until his mother forced him to when she saw Peyton outside drawing under the tree between both of their houses.   
“H-hey...” He said, approaching her slowly, pulling the sleeves of his hoodie down over his cold hands.  
“Hey!” She looked up with a kind smile, pushing her hair form her eyes and her glasses up her nose as she looked up at Virgil.  
“My...mom. She wanted me to...to introduce myself....I’m. Virgil.” He said nervously fidgeting, “Its...Payton, right? I...I heard your parents calling for you when you first moved in.” He watched as she hesitantly looked around before lowering her voice.  
“Um...actually, its Patton. But. My parents are kinds transphobic, so I can’t tell them that.” She said quietly, moving over a bit so Virgil had room to sit down next to her under the tree.  
“I’m sorry...My parents are really homophobic too....so...I get it.” He said softly, hugging his knees close to his chest as he looked down at the ground. “I… I um… lived with my boyfriend for…. A while… but we had to break up for.. A lot of reasons and I had to leave… I keep having to… promise my parents that I’m… I’m not going to “Return to that lifestyle,” as they keep putting it.”  
“My parents don’t even know and I can’t tell them… I don’t mind wearing dresses… I just… I hate my chest and I hate bleeding once a month like clockwork… if I told them, I’d have nowhere to go…” Patton said softly   
“We’re in the same boat, Patton.” 

  
Several months passed and, despite his opposite the two were in looks and personality, Virgil felt he finally had his first friend since Dee. He was still wary of the other sometimes, but that was only because of the abuse he’d experienced.   
“I got a binder!” Patton exclaimed one day, suddenly running up to Virgil as the other make had come outside at Patrons text. He was half asleep and rather tired as he barely had time to close his door to prevent waking up his parents. It was only 7 on a Saturday and he didn’t know how Pat was as wide awake as he was.   
“Cool? I don’t see why that warrants getting me out if bed this early on a Saturday.” Virgil yawned, rubbing one of his eyes sleepily.   
“Not that kind of binder.” Patton said, rolling his eyes as he moved his shirt to show the dark purple haired male the strap. “A body binder. It makes my chest smaller, so I don’t have to worry about feeling bad because of it.”  
“That’s great Pat.” Virgil mumbled, happy for his friend but honestly wanting to go back to bed.   
“what do you think? Do I look flat?” The brown eyed male asked softly, a nervous smile over taking his lips as he looked at his best friend. Virgil looked over Patton, having him turn profile so he could get a better look.   
“Flat as a piece of paper. No chest in sight. I’m happy for you and all, but can I go back to bed? I was up late last night doing chores.”   
“Whatever, sleepy head. Go back to sleep.” Pat rolled his eyes a bit at his best friend before turning to go once the other was back inside, a huge smile on his face as euphoria washed over him

  
“Prom is coming up…” Patton mentioned to Virgil.   
“Are you going?” The purple haired male glanced over at his best friend.   
“I want to… people talk about how amazing it is and others about how they wished they had gone but didn’t… but I have to go as Peyton… not me.”  
“You can’t get a tux?” Virgil asked, training an eyebrow curiously. Patton shook his head.  
“No… they’d make me get a dress… and that makes me not want to go…” Virgil watched as some of the hair Patton had pinned on his head slowly came undone. The shortest Patton had ever been able to cut his hair was to his shoulders, and it never lasted long at that length, so he always tried to pin it up it wear hats to keep it hidden.   
“Are you going?” Patton asked, looking over at Virgil softly.   
“Parents are making me. They want me to find a girlfriend and think that it’ll help… I’ve already got a tux… I really don’t want to go… School dances and shit are just anxiety inducing.”   
“What if I go with you? Keep you company and stuff?’  
“But… you’ll have to wear a dress… I don’t want to have to force you to do that for me… I’ll probably just hide in the bathroom or something….until its over.”   
“That’s no fun! I’d rather wear a dress and ensure you have fun than let you be miserable like that.” Patton protested,   
“You’ll be just as miserable as I would be, but in a dress!” Virgil countered. “How’s that any fun?”  
“Virgil, I don’t mind wearing dresses. Sometimes it’s nice to wear a skirt and twirl. I don’t like being perceived as a girl, which is why I don’t wear dresses a lot. But I’d totally do it for you. It’s only s couple hours and I could totally manage that and feel just fine.” Patton reassured him with a smile, adjusting his hair back into place. 

  
“Who are you taking to Prom, Virgil?” his mother asked the night before Prom as be was forced to sit down at dinner with his parents.   
“Um… Peyton…” He said quietly. “The girl from next door…” Virgil hated having to call Patton anything but his name, but he’d continue to do so for both his and his friend’s safety as long as was necessary   
“She’s a lovely girl. A perfect choice.” His father nodded in approval. “I was beginning to wonder when you two would get together. You’ll both bare wonderful children if it lasts that long.”  
“Dad....we’re not dating...we’re just going as friends.” Virgil mumbled, picking at his food. He wasn’t very hungry, to say the least, and felt rather nauseous at the thought of eating.   
“Well, with how close you two are, I wouldn’t be surprised if you did end up dating. It happened to your mother and I.” Virgil watched as his father reached over and clasped his mother’s hand in his own.   
Virgil had a few things he wanted to say about their relationship, but he bit his tongue and instead pushed away from the table with a mumbled “I don’t feel good” as he walked back up to his room and curled up in bed under his covers. 

The next day was Saturday and Prom was that night. Their school was smart enough to know that girls would take off the whole day to get their nails done and hair so they hosted prom on a Saturday so people wouldn’t miss school doing things like that.   
Virgil got dressed in his suit, although rather begrudgingly as he really didn’t want to go to prom. He didn’t have a choice, though. His parents already bought tickets for him and Patton and Patton really wanted him to go. Once he was dressed and his mother did his hair for him, the three walked over to “Peyton’s” house, a corsage made of poppies carried in Virgil’s hand.   
Before they could even ring the door bell, Patton’s mother had opened the door and ushered the three inside, complimenting Virgil on how well he looked.   
“Peyton will be down in just a moment, she’s finishing getting ready.”

After a few minutes, Patton came downstairs. He was clad in a knee length vintage blue dress that looked a little less formal than would be expected for Prom, but. Virgil couldn’t help but admit that it looked good in him, guy or not. Patton’s hair had been cut short since the last time Virgil had seen his best friend. It was cut into an sort of pixie cut Virgil knew was just feminine enough for Patton’s parents to not know the truth.   
“You… look amazing.” Virgil dared say, causing both him and Patton to blush profusely.   
“Thank you.” Patton murmured, coming to stand in front of Virgil with a nervous smile.  
“I uh… I got you this.” Virgil held out the corsage towards Patton, trying to keep his hands from shaking as the other male allowed him to put it on his wrist.   
“Thanks.” Patton said with a soft smile. 

“slow dance, come on.” Patton pulled Virgil out onto the dance floor wrapping his arms around the others neck with a small smile. Hesitantly, Virgil placed his hands on Patton’s waist, only for the other to quickly grab his wrists and place them in the right spot.   
“I’m not going to break, V. You don’t have to act like I’m fragile.”   
“I’ve never done this, Pat.” Virgil said softly. “I’ve also got a major anxiety disorder, remember?”   
“I know V.” Patton gave a soft smile at his best friend. “Let’s get out of here. Neither of us are having very much fun.” Patton added once the song was over, switching back to a slightly more upbeat tune.   
“I… ok. Let’s go.” Virgil let Patton take his hand, lacing their fingers as he led them outside. Patton shivered after a while in the cool air as they walked, heading away from school and away from home in the moonlight.   
“Are you cold?” Virgil asked finally.   
“I’m fine.” Patton said, shooting Virgil a small smile but that wasn’t a no, so Virgil pulled off his suit jacket and placed it around Patton’s shoulders so the other wouldn’t get too cold.   
“You’re going to get sick.” Virgil murmured as the two walked.   
“Thanks, V.” Patton smiled softly at the other male, pulling his arms through the sleeves of the jacket. “You’re a good friend. That’s why I love you. Friend way, of course.” Patton was quick to add on the last part, looking away in the darkness.   
“Love you too, Pat. You’re my best friend. Only friend, really, but there’s no difference.” The two ended up outside of a Waffle House and decided to grab some food before they had to be home. They ended up laughing and talking the night away before walking back in the direction of home since neither of them had a car. They held hands because it felt right, even if they were just friends.   
“I had a lot of fun tonight, V.” Patton turned towards Virgil as the two came to a stop between their two houses with a smile upon his face.   
“Me too. But only because you were there. I’d have been miserable otherwise.” Virgil said softly.   
“Well, I’m glad I went. I had fun and I made sure you had fun. It was a win, win situation for both of us.”   
“Yeah, I guess it was.” Virgil smiled softly. Before either realized what was happening, they had leaned in and were sharing a soft kiss before Virgil quickly pulled away, being reminded of his relationship with Dee.  
“V, I’m sorry. I didn’t-“ Patton started, but Virgil shook his head.   
“No… I… Patton, I do like you… I just… my last relationship with Dee-“  
“Dee? Dee Smolders?” Patton asked before Virgil could finish, earning a soft nod from the anxious male. “He’s my cousin. Everyone who isn’t has family knows him as Dee. His real names Janus and he’s an absolute dick. I can’t believe… ugh!” Patton groaned in frustration. “I don’t say this about anyone but I’m going to kill him for-“ Virgil didn’t know what overtook him, but before Patton could finish, Virgil was kissing him again.   
“Maybe the colors don’t signify being poisonous… maybe… maybe they can be like a butterfly…” Virgil murmured softly. 


End file.
